Life Speaks of Her Pieces™

~Random Updates~

2011-01-12T02:15:00.000-08:00

Been busy with my thesis writing lately. A bunch of chromatograms, spectrums and data calculations to be done. Struggling with excel and treatment of figures into tables. Yeah, I admit I'm a noob in excel. Countless numbers and equations! Hope Hnin have ample of patience trying to understand. Feeling lucky I don't need to include anova *Sigh*

The tools that's a must for thesis writing-Since Dictionary.com is down for maintenance.

Mani I did for Christmas. Gonna re-do for Cny-in red this time :)

Travelled to bro's campus the other day. Dad keep pestering me with which course/uni I would take/enter for my postgrad studies. *Dilemma*

And I managed to catch a glimpse of this-Who's interested to go with me?
Find out more on wtusa.com

Oh and did I mention about my belated 21st birthday pressie? My first Coach Collectibles. Thanks Weng Hwa. ;)

~Shoes, Shoes, I Love You~

2010-04-21T09:20:00.000-07:00

While walking at the mall recently, I was disturbed by the sound of my shoes squeaking. I felt as if everyone was turning to see whose shoes were making so much noise.

It is not a good sign when your shoes squeak, it means there is a problem, and for the amount I spent on them, they should be near perfect! I like my shoes to 'speak' to me, but not literally!

Good shoes are hard to find. Which is one of the reasons most women have more pairs than they need. It is not enough for the shoes to look good, they must feel good. But alas, shoes, like people fall under the 'looks are deceiving' category. How many of us have kicked off our shoes the moment we have sat down during a function? Shoes tend to go by the two hour standing quotient. Once you pass that, your feet will be killing you. And with shoes escalating to amazing heights, yes, there are 6 inch heels, how are you supposed to stand longer than 10 minutes?

I am constantly searching for the so-called perfect shoe. Its quite like searching for the perfect bag, except, my bags don't hurt me physically, only financially. Sadly, its elusive and you keep buying and buying and end up with 20 or so pairs of shoe that none of them will be just right with the outfit you want to wear.

So you have to find THAT pair. Of course thats an impossible task because you see several other pairs that are perfect for other occasions. And these shoes wont go with anything in your wardrobe. Which means buying clothes to wear with those shoes plus still finding shoes for your existing wardrobe. Its a vicious cycle.

The irony is even with so many shoes, you tend to wear the same pairs all the time. I have shoes I haven worn because they dont go with anything. I cant remember why I bought them, they are the wrong color, shape, look.. Yeah, what on earth possessed me to even buy them in the first place?

Why did I need sandals in four different shades of pink? Why did I think wedges with pink flamingos on the heel looked cute?(actually, they really are pretty) Why did I buy yellow sandals again? Oh right. It was summer, they looked good.

I have driving shoes I don't drive in,heels I cant walk in, shoes that seem only made for walking on carpets and a ton of black shoes in different styles. Why? because black goes with everything. So does silver and gold. And every other colour because shoes are gorgeous enough to be statement pieces.

While recovering from my squeaky shoes(trust me, it can be traumatic to have noisy shoes), I tried on a pair of shoes.

Ah, this is another thing, when we find a style we love, we must buy two pairs!! A wear and a spare. The design might be discontinued and we are deperately looking for something similar. This has happened several times, and you are mourning the death of that perfect pair. RIP my love.

If that model returns, they have done something crazy to it. It is like an experiment gone wrong and now looks like the grotesque mutated twin of your previously divine shoe. Why do brands love doing this? If it aint broke, dont fix it! I have said goodbye to several beautiful shoes while watching their hideous siblings take centerstage.

What most of us do now, in case of shoes emergencies(like rotten weather, your soles feel like they are on fire or those shoes you are breaking in are breaking your feet), is keep several pairs of shoes in the car.

This is a new development, actually. I never kept shoes in the car before and when someone asked why, I would say if my car got stolen, I would lose my precious shoes. Yeah, who cares about the car, it just takes you from point A to point B. Someone, obviously not a shoe person remarked that shoes do that too. But really, shoes vs cars?

As I looked at the shoe boxes piling up in my house, I wonder when the madness would end. But do I want it to? As for my squeaky shoes, they are going back to the boutique for rehabilitation. Next time I see them, they would better be whispering, not whining.

~Exposing to the pain of being hurt, Deeply hurt by someone whom I placed trust upon~

2010-04-19T19:00:00.000-07:00

Who understands the Pain I am enduring through?? None of You I would say. Yes. Its N O N E!!

Being the First to know, it hurts. But being the Last to know, it hurts More. Much Much More.
It seems I am Stupid. I have no feelings, felt no Pain, does not hurt, is that what You all suppose I will? I am?
And not told by the bearer who brought me Pain. But by whom I Love. So much. Could anyone imagine how? One's your best pal, one's your lover. Judge it yourself.
Still thanks to her. Or I would still be left wondering. So irresponsible of You.

And I really Hate people makes me decide. Because I really HATE deciding.
Choosing between two most important person, one being a friend and a sister, another a friend and a lover. I am greedy. Why cant I choose both? I am given No options, No choice.
You want end this, You wan tell me that the decision I made is perfectly wrong, is it?
You can maintain and be back friends with all Your ex(s). Why cant u do it for me?
I am really curious to know how much feelings, how much efforts, care and Love you put in our friendship? So little that You can end it so Easily? Is it everything that we did together, I put in so did You, what we share, happiness and pain. Is it all A LIE??
I HATE You for the pain Uve brought me. You carved a Scar in my life. And I Hate You!

Humans are greedy. Yes I hesitatingly agreed.
They always have this mindset of 'how much they sacrificed is how much they should get in return'. Even me, I admit, I do.
But I will still say its Childish. This is a reality world. Materialized. Globalized. That theory certainly doesn't work here.
You just have to Admit, Accept, Live by it.
If You think its unfair, then how bout me? The pain Ive endured through my family since i was small. Was it fair to me then?? I am born to it. I cant change any. You think I want it? But can I choose? No!
Yet, I dint make a big deal out of it. Although I shedded tears and complaint. I lived with it. Because I believed everything happens for a reason. God's purpose. His plan.

I know You sacrificed lots. I saw. But You think I didn't? My sacrifices, You wont be able to see. I once because to hold on to our friendship, I let go. Of her. You knew that? No You dint!
Only some hardly knew. Because I seek them for their opinion.

And I did things I never done before. For her.
You know why always I escaped when I saw You with her? One, because I was hurt to see. Really hurt. But I told myself to be patient. I hold back. It was hard. You knew it. Two, because I wanted to create opportunity for both of You.
But then, You got to her, did You care bout me? Your attention was always left to her. I was alone. Did You noticed? I always hide myself, library, went back campus early. Sit faraway from both of You. Did You care bout my feelings back then? I was so dissapointed.
With Kl, it was like that. With Marcus, still like that. With Mun also. Now with her, lagi no need say. You always dumped me at the side. And one of why I developed slight depression in foundation. All thanks to You.

My first birthday wish. I wished it was not from her. I wished it was from You.
But You really dissapointed me.

The tears. That I cried for You. You wont be able to replace it back. Because it was too much. Too deep.
I regretted for not heeding Marcus, Albert and Kuang fu's advice for letting go of You when I faced relationship probs with You. For back then I wont suffer that much as I do now.

Still here, I sincerely thank you. For the joy. For the pain. For every single thing You have did for me. I would not forget You. I will still treat You as my friend. Although You don't. Because I realized something that You didn't. God answered my prayers. I have that thing. You don't. Maybe You will understand the reason behind it. Not now. You will discover it slowly.

I too, wish You all the best here.
Goodbye, my Friend.

Regards.

~ . ~

2009-09-11T09:49:00.000-07:00

Blood flows like water.
Gushing through veins and arteries.
You keep draining without realizing.
Weird.
I felt no intense pain.
Have my nerves gone paralyzed?
Or am I too stunned to feel anything.
To bury my heart deep down inside.

Gradually, my movement's restricted.
Nor can I speak.
Slowly, darkness overwhelm me.

Night falls.

YiZheng

2009-05-20T04:05:00.000-07:00

He kissed me passionately on my forehead. How I miss the feel of his touch, the scent of his body, the texture of his words. How I wish this could be real forever, even if that cost my life, I would rather be lying on my deathbed, not wanting to open my eyes.

And then, there was light through my eyelids. When I woke up, I was alone. There was no him, no kiss. Just me alone. He appeared every now and then in my dreams. Before I knew, I miss him terribly.

Back at secondary form, IF I ever have picked up the fist of courage to speak to him, to let him know how I felt, would things changed? Would he get to notice me? Would he talk and share secrets with me? Would us, become best friends? Friends are the most I could ask for. Love is impossible, though I hoped most. I could not merely imagined what would happen. At the very least, still, we both live in different worlds. He, of chasing his dreams, ended up in a faraway country, where the good old me, still stuck in this prison. Location is never a problem. Perhaps minds are. Recalling the memories, he is so different from me apparently. Both thoughts and physically. I could still remember how my heartbeat paced whenever I saw him, fast and then it stopped. How I so eager to voice a hi, and I never did.

He is extremely tall with those deep down black eyes. But they were small. And when he opens his mouth to speak, he speak of slangs. American type. He plays the piano. His fingers are long, sharp and pointy, similar to that of a girl's. I have always admired guys playing pianos. I prejudiced that only girls does. He too, plays basketball. And I love watching him playing on the court. He does well academically too. But I wondered of the reason he stop pursuing in brickfields. One thing that differs him from any guy. He never stick to girls. Only girls stick to him. That could not be helped. He is every girls dreamboy. Too perfect for an ordinary simple plain girl like me. Communication is what always separated us around. He speaks perfect english, flowy flowery, he could be a journalist. Me? One could quickly ascertain the difference. When I glance up at hua loong and jay, it hurts. They were so much the same. They were a reminiscent to him. Only by looks, I mean.

"We were both young when I first saw you.." He was indeed young when I first met him. Secondary 2 and I was a year younger. And hard to believe, he finished primary at the same school as me. Why hadnt I noticed him before? Love at first sight always would never be true.
"I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you would ever come around
My faith in you was fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town
and I said
Romeo save me
I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head
I dont know what to think.." (Humming)
lyrics from Love story. Exactly what I have been feeling right now.

It has been six years. Yi Zheng, you were of the best memories I had. After all these years your image still lingers on my head. I would keep you framed in my mind always. Thanks.

Ughh.. I am so flying right now. So dazed and disoriented. Why had you jumped into my sleep from the beginning?

~End~

Lets Hope 2009 will be Better

2008-12-27T06:12:00.000-08:00

Would you join me in my huge sigh of relief?
PHEW!

There we go. Another year has gone by. It would be a cliche to talk about how fast time flies - oops, there I go again! But truth be told, I personally dont think there is a better way to sum up a year - any year - whether it has been a good one or bad.

If one was having a bad year, there's no time like now to bid farewell and welcome the year next.
If it was a good year, it leaves us in great spirits to be even more optimistic about the next 365 days.

And what a year 2008 had been, and there are so many lessons to take from it.

However, moving away from myself, 2008 was definitely a year of changes with many headlines grabbing and history making events that took place locally so does internationally. If there was ever a year that deserved a bumper issue in any publication or production, 2008 would be it.

The number of things that made the headlines right from the beginning of the year - politics, business, sports and disasters, among others, had been plenty. And while there were many good news, there were equally as many bad ones, I think. But still, what an exciting year it has been.

Democracy never rung so loudly in Malaysia in recent history as it did after March 8 when 'political tsunami', as everyone calls it, hit us.

Much later in the year, the United States voted in their first ever black president.

China proved its mettle and hosted what was arguably the biggest Olympic Games the world had ever seen. So many names deserved mentions in the world of sports. Namely Michael Phelps and even our very own Datuk Nicol David.

Closer to home and most recently is the Bkt Antarabangsa landslide tragedy.

However, the biggest incident - where most people are affected - would have to be the worldwide economy. Major companies have gone bust, some gov around the world are raising the red alert. And the bleak economy outlook would surely seep into 2009.

Still, I have great faith in the strength of humanity.

The elections - show what sort of impact men and women can have when we stand united.
Dealing with tragedies shows our resilience in times of troubles.
And our sporting achievements are an indication of how people are able to exceed expectations.

Many people are saying that it is hard to be optimistic about next year. But I think that if we set our hearts to it, adapt our lifestyle a little and think of the times we have overcome hardship, then there is no reason why we cant ride out the coming year. And besides, isnt this the best time of the year to dream and think big? A new slate for a new year.

Happy new year all. Thanks for 2008 and lets welcome 2009!

Break it up

2008-07-11T06:54:00.000-07:00

Every relationship has its ups and downs. You have a good time together and sometimes you have bad ones. It's when bad ones seems to get more frequent that you wonder if you should get out of the relationship. Of course, some of us hang in there and hope for the best but sometimes, like ripping off a band-aid, ending it quickly is probably less painful in the long run. If your relationship is showing any of these signs, then maybe its time for you to cut your losses and move on.

When you first got together, you planned your dates excitedly; wondering what to do and where to go. Now, u cant even be bothered to make a date. All you do is just hang out and watch TV or pop in a DVD and vegetate on the couch. That does not make for a passionate relationship. If you are stuck in this rut and cant be bothered to do anything about it-the magic is gone.

You used to want to spend every waking moment with your partner and rejoiced whenever the two of you were unexpectedly free to get together. Now though, you find yourself wanting to spend time by yourself or maybe getting together with your friends instead of seeing your partner. Its fine if you want a little time apart but if you are at the stage where you dont want to tell him or her that you are free and make up some fictitious appointment to avoid seeing him or her, then you have a major problem.

Everyone fights, no matter how well you get along most of the time. But when your fights start to get donwright dirty, mean and spiteful, it is when you should start to wonder if you are in the right relationship with the right person. Sometimes things are said that cant be taken back.

You used to find everything about him or her adorable but now almost everything your partner does just annoys or angers you. The charming laugh now is just grating.

It is very sad when a relationship starts to go sour but when a person starts bringing out the worst in you, its a sign that all is not well and its time to go. Dont get stuck in a dead-end relationship because you are hoping for things to change. If things have gotten this bad, the chances of the situation improving are very slim. But then again, each couple is different so if you think u stand a fighting chance, then give it a go. Good luck to those out there.

07/07/07->08/08/07
12/05/08->11/06/08

2007-11-03T02:55:00.000-07:00

Well... it took me some time creating and customizing this blog. As you know, dummys(that's me) are called so for an apparent reason. Finally, I am done...fewh... it took me ages.. I don't write blogs or records daily events(what people usually call 'diaries') often... just nothing-to-do right now... so, maybe trying a hand on it. Hope my blog won't bore u, readers. I am nicknamed old grandma though, so bear me if it does...
Anyway, today's saturday. I am supposed to be at my hometown, back in siew pau village... but see what am I doing here(sighs)... Felt so homesick right now... miss family bery much... how I wish I was back there, eating mom's cooked food, enjoying a nice bubble bath... okok... stop dreaming, {rewinding....} {pause...} {play...} back to reality...
Time for serious talk. Don't kinda like the silent evening now... you can even hear the tickling sound of the electronic clock... hate the feeling of being lonely. I need someone right now... who's going to be the 'someone'?? anyone???
undescribable...
By the way, I think I am developing first degree of melancholy. Starting to display some symptoms of it... you know... sudden extreme sadness, feeling hopeless, lost of interest, pleasure in daily routine... gaining weight at the same time. I don't know i have such big appetite. omg..Or sometimes losing weight (skips meals almost thrice a week). Friends claiming I have been quite emo nowadays... cause i seldom speak. I can remain silent for hours without voicing a word. All the times feeling moody, in between, happy all of a sudden and i will laugh for no reason... oh... what's becoming of me?? I am so sory, everyone... for behaving like an idiot.